


Gardenia

by tobiosbae



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Sad, Trigger Warning: Mentions of Suicide and States Cause of Death, i hate myself for writing this, just ??????????
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-17
Updated: 2017-10-17
Packaged: 2019-01-18 11:56:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12387591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tobiosbae/pseuds/tobiosbae
Summary: Oikawa was in the gym after hours practicing his serves when Iwaizumi told him the news. The news had been shocking enough to get him to falter his serve. He ended up landing on his butt and the ball rolled away from him. He had laughed the news off. He thought it was a joke, a sick joke, but a joke nonetheless. Deep down he knew that the news Iwaizumi delivered wouldn't be a joke.





	Gardenia

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF SUICIDE 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF SUICIDE 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF SUICIDE
> 
> *Timeline: The last year of highshcool for Iwaizumi and Oikawa & after Kageyama graduates junior high*

Oikawa was in the gym after hours practicing his serves when Iwaizumi told him the news. The news had been shocking enough to get him to falter his serve. He ended up landing on his butt and the ball rolled away from him. He had laughed the news off. He thought it was a joke, a sick joke, but a joke nonetheless. Deep down he knew that the news Iwaizumi delivered wouldn't be a joke. 

Iwaizumi isn't that cruel of a man to make such cruel jokes.

Oikawa didn't realize he was crying until Iwaizumi sat down next to him, throwing a comforting arm over his trembling shoulders. "Please, Iwa-chan, please, tell me this is some _sick_ joke." He pleaded, his eyes watered, his nose dripped with snot, and he felt as if his throat was constricting in on itself. "Hajime, please."

Iwaizumi buried his face in Oikawa's unruly brown locks. He had known that if Oikawa saw him crying then the man would become even more broken. He needed to be strong for Oikawa, right now his friend needed him to be a unmovable tree he could lean on. "I'm sorry, Tooru." 

A desperate sob had left Oikawa's throat. He gripped onto Iwaizumi's black shirt with all his might, it was his only tether to reality at this point. "H-He wa-as my s-stupid, a-ador-rable un-underclassman, Hajime! W-Why did h-he do this?!"

"Ah," Iwaizumi paused in his explanation. He knew the reason as to why Kageyama Tobio committed suicide. His father and Kageyama's father worked at the same place, so it was his father with whom Kageyama's father confided in about the death of his son. He felt Oikawa's grip tighten and looked at anything else than at Oikawa's inquisitive brown eyes.

"Hajime," Oikawa begged,"I need to know."  
Iwaizumi's throat become clogged up. Words couldn't be formed no matter how hard he tried to speak. He couldn't tell Oikawa, not when he was part of the reason for Kageyama's death. 

"Hajime, please."

Iwaizumi closed his eyes and swallowed down the pain. He would tell Oikawa everything, but he wouldn't like it. The words tasted like acid on his tongue. "Kageyama committed suicide because he couldn't take the pain anymore. H-He wrote a note, and it talked about how he couldn't stand for his teammates hating him, being the Tyrant King, and--and he wrote how he couldn't live with himself if the one person he admired hated him. He j-just couldn't take it anymore...." Iwaizumi held his breath when Oikawa figured out it was him he was talking about.

"I-I didn't hate him." His voice was hollowed and soft.

"Oikawa...."

"I DIDN'T!" He shoved Iwaizumi to the side and stood up. "I-I didn't hate him. I envied him, yes, but I didn't hate him!" Tears were cascading down his cheeks and falling onto the pristine gym floor.

"Yeah, well, everyone else sure thought you did." Iwaizumi muttered, but Oikawa heard him clear as day.

"A-Are you saying that it is my fault?" Oikawa's voice pitched an octave higher. "Hajime, how--HOW DARE YOU! I WOULD NEVER WANT THIS TO HAPPEN!"

Iwaizumi leaped to his feet and wrapped his hand around the collar of Oikawa's sweaty shirt. "I AM NOT SAYING IT'S YOUR FAULT, IDIOT! MAYBE IF YOU WERE NICER TO THE KID THEN HE WOULD HAVE KNOWN YOU DIDN'T HATE HIM!" He was breathing heavily, eyes blazed with anger.

"Well," Oikawa chocked out,"that's his fault for thinking I hated him 'cause I didn't." His bottom lip quavered, a new stream of tears leaked from his eyes. He leaned forward and pressed his forehead against Iwaizumi's shoulder. He closed his eyes as he tried to get his breathing under control. It was as if his lungs no longer functioned because he couldn't breathe. "I'm a terrible upperclassman. I am the worse of the worse."

Iwaizumi wrapped his arms around him and rubbed soothing circles on Oikawa's back. "You are not the worse of the worse, Tooru...I'm sorry for yelling at you like that. I know you didn't hate Kageyama, you actually felt the opposite about him, in fact, but everyone assumed you thought the worse of him due to the way you treated him." He once again buried his face in Oikawa's hair. "You did always act like a brat to those you liked....I-I'm sorry he's gone." Iwaizumi hugged Oikawa tigher when he heard Oikawa whisper,"Me too."

They stood there, in each others arms, for who knows how long. They would have stayed there until the next day if Iwaizumi hadn't suggest they go home and try to learn to breathe again. Oikawa had mutely nodded his head in acknowledgment. Iwaizumi had to piggy-back Oikawa to his house because Oikawa couldn't move. Oikawa said he felt as if his feet were glued to the ground, so Iwaizumi merely squatted down and told him to get on his back.

There were tears, lots of tears, and comfort foods, and much more, but they learned how to breathe again with each other. It was during Oikawa's favorite alien movie did he ask Iwaizumi the question.

"When's his funeral?" Oikawa hadn't taken his eyes off the screen.

Iwaizumi tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling. The sensation of his throat clogging up came back to him. "Next Tuesday." He didn't receive an answer back, but he did see Oikawa's head nod in acceptance. They went back watching the movie, wrapped up in thick blankets.

 

~~~~~

 

Oikawa was the last one to greet the body of Kageyama Tobio.

Kageyama Tobio's body was covered in a simple black suit and tie and white shirt combination. His wrists were effectively sewed and covered up. 

Oikawa stared blankly at Kageyama's body. An overwhelming emotion overcame him, and suddenly, he's spilling out everything. "I'm not going to cry over your body like everyone else did. I did that earlier...and I'll do that later, too. You would hate to see me cry, Tobio-chan. Iwa-chan says I'm an ugly crier, which I don't believe because I'm too pretty to be an ugly crier. And, I just wanted to let you know that I didn't hate you, okay. I do  _not_ hate you, Kageyama Tobio. I, ugh, actually like you a lot, like a lot a lot. I guess it doesn't matter now since ya'know your dead. Your dead, and I'm standing here confessing my love for you, and you are dead." He tried his best to hold back the tears. "You're dead, and it's partially my fault an--I wish you weren't dead..." He sniffles. "God, I hope you're happy wherever you are. You're probably playing volleyball wherever you are, that's heaven for you, hehe. I'm sorry it had to end like this, Tobio." He places a bouquet of flowers consisting of a Sweet Pea, a Red Carnation, a Yellow Tulip,and a Yellow Camellia among the White Chrysanthemums.

"Goodbye, Tobio."

Oikawa didn't look back when he left. He knew if he did he would cry, and he told Kageyama he wouldn't cry in his presence. He would allow himself to shed tears in the privacy of his room for the rest of the day, and then try and go on because he knows Kageyama wouldn't want him crying over him anymore than he needed to. But, for now, he'll mourn for his stupidly adorable underclassman.

**Author's Note:**

> me: imma write happy fics for the oikage tag cause there aren't enough happy fics tbh  
> also me: writes this
> 
> tbh the only excuse i can give you for this fic was that i was in a sad mood & i was listening to my depressing songs and this fic occured....YES ik the ending sucks but i cldn't think of a way to end it......im not gonna lie i had to pause and give myself a breather when writing this sakldjflksdf
> 
> at least i got monday's fanfic up.....if you didn't read my other one than im trying to update a new work everyday this whole week since my birthday is coming up. Sunday's work was [Not a Walk in the Park.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12378540).
> 
> FLOWER MEANING (I used Japanese Meaning):  
> Gardenia: Secret Love  
> Carnation: Love, red carnations represent romantic love  
> Yellow Tulip: one sided love  
> Sweet Pea: goodbye  
> Yellow Camellia: longing  
> White Chrysanthemum: truth or grief


End file.
